As the year draws to a close, we may naturally reflect on what it has been like and brought us. We may look for examples of grand achievements, major life changes or exciting events, and feel discouraged or disappointed when the year did not present us with these. So rather than focusing only on grand events and accomplishments, I would invite you to reflect on meaningful moments and connections with ourselves and others, the small (or big) steps we have taken toward living a life aligned with our values. Let’s remember and treasure what mattered and supported us most – whether the year was a happy, challenging or difficult one.
So let’s pause and reflect, and I’ll start by offering my own reflection here. This year, I want to acknowledge times when I felt present and connected to myself, my emotions and body, times when I felt a sense of amazement, community and joy connecting to others.
This year I made more time for going to theatre, as it makes my heart sing. These are moments when I am fully immersed in the experience, each evoking emotions in different ways, for example admiring the beauty of dance and creativity (The Little Prince), connecting with intense and complex emotions (The Deep Blue Sea), appreciating the story and spirit of the NHS (Nye), or feeling moved by the singing in Oliver!
This year I made a conscious effort to read more books, especially in the mornings, when my mind feels rested and receptive. Starting the day this way gave my mornings a different feel – I felt more present and grounded. This year, like previous years, I enjoyed my Sunday morning runs in a local park. They have become a ritual and my most precious me-time. And this year I had moments of simple joy and playfulness being in the company of dear ones, appreciating their love and presence in my life.
These moments of connection and small acts of values lived out have been most precious – they are what life is about.
Some years are life-changing - the birth of a child, change of career, moving house. Some years bring a significant loss or bereavement. Some are about holding on, recovering, or doing our best to stay afloat. As you read this, you may feel joy and excitement, or you may feel grief, boredom, dissatisfaction or relief that the year is ending. If the year felt dark and challenging and there is sadness or anger – let’s acknowledge them as real and valid.
I had my share of challenging moments this year - times of sadness, times of disappointment when my efforts did not bring the results I hoped for, and times when I felt I could be more present, patient, running faster and more often, doing more, expecting more of myself.
But alongside these challenges, I’d like to acknowledge the efforts I made. Let’s recognise the times when we kept moving forward, whether through the small acts we took ourselves or support we had from others. Let’s not deny what was difficult, but the narrative wouldn’t be complete without acknowledging both – the difficulties we faced and the ways we managed to keep going, perhaps noticing glimpses of beauty and meaning along the way. This is not about being positive no matter what, it’s about honouring our efforts and finding meaning in our lives.
It is natural that our minds remember more difficult events, as threatening or challenging experiences trigger chemical reactions in our bodies that leave a lasting imprint. The more intense the response, the more adrenaline is secreted, and the more vivid the memory becomes (Van der Kolk,2014). Consciously reflecting and remembering the duality of our experiences – challenges as well as the moments of joy, connection, beauty, can help us integrate these experiences and move forward. Remembering that, despite the obstacles, we got up and put one foot in front of the other, can give us strength to keep going. These small steps move us toward what matters most and what feels important and meaningful.
It is in these small moments that life is lived. For me, everyday living continually reminds me of that, that the journey matters more than the destination. Life is an ongoing journey of growth and personal development.
"The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination." - Carl Rogers
When sitting with clients, I often talk about taking small and realistic steps. Putting one foot in front of the other already creates movement and a shift. It brings us closer to becoming unstuck. If life feels like an effort and energy or motivation is low, gentle, deliberate steps can gradually help shift that state.
Bringing to mind the moments that mattered most this year can help us build motivation for the year ahead. I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions – instead, I invite you to reflect on how to create more meaningful moments along the journey. Looking into the new year, let’s explore what we can learn about ourselves: the values we hold, what matters, and when we feel safe, present, connected. This kind of self-reflection can help us take the step toward what is meaningful and fulfilling.
That’s my wish for myself and for you: to create moments of presence and meaning, to move in the direction of being connected to ourselves and others, to navigate life’s difficulties consciously, and to appreciate life in all its beauty and all its challenges.
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Self-reflection exercise
I invite you to try the following exercise. You might like to light a candle or burn incense as you do it.
Find a quiet time and space where you won’t be disturbed. Take a few deep breaths in and out, allowing yourself to feel present and grounded. This can help regulate your nervous system and create a sense of calm and soothing.
Take a piece of paper and a pen or coloured pencils. Write down 20 moments and experiences that mattered to you this year. These could include events, decisions you feel proud of, people or moments that mattered, times you felt connected to yourself or others, or efforts and activities you took towards learning more about yourself. Once you’ve written your list, read it out loud. Observe how it feels to acknowledge these moments.
To finish the exercise, take a few more deep breaths in and out, gently inviting a sense of gratitude for all that you’ve experienced.
You can keep the paper with your special memories or take a photo to revisit whenever you like. All these memories are important and precious.
References:
Rogers, C. (1961) On Becoming a Person: A Therapist's View of Psychotherapy. London: Constable.
Van Der Kolk, B. A. (2014) The Body Keeps the Score:Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma.London: Penguin.