We all experience a range of emotions throughout our days and lives. Some days we may feel joyful and content, and other days we may feel upset, sad, or distressed. People and events naturally affect us – losing someone we love often brings deep sadness, even depression. Feeling angry about injustice or atrocities happening in the world is a normal, human response. And feeling anxious before an exam or public speaking is completely natural too. But when sadness, anger, anxiety start to linger over time and take over, they can begin to interfere with everyday life.

All these emotions are a natural part of being human. However, sometimes they can become overwhelming, or one emotion grows so big that it drowns out everything else, making it hard to cope. When emotions become unbearable, some people may shut down – they might feel numb, detached or even dissociate. But that does not mean that the emotions disappear, instead, they get stored in our bodies, building up over time.

This build up is often linked to past experiences, unresolved trauma, or ongoing stress. When we are triggered by reminders of those experiences, or when we feel fear, overwhelm, or high level of stress, our bodies respond defensively, instinctively trying to protect us.

The body response to real or perceived threat is always defence. It’s automatic and quick, often happening before we have had time to think. When the body perceives danger, a range of chemical reactions and physical responses kick in to protect us. This mechanism is vital for our survival and has kept humans alive for generations. But this rapid automatic response can leave us feeling powerless or out of control.  But rather than blaming or criticising ourselves, it’s helpful to recognise that the body is trying to keep us safe, even when its responses are no longer helpful. Knowing that, we can develop healthier ways to keep ourselves safe - ways that help the nervous system calm down and relax.

When we are exposed to ongoing stress, past and unresolved trauma and other difficult experiences, our nervous system can get stuck in a constant state of alert, even when no real danger is present.  The nervous system remains constantly aroused, sensing danger and always anticipating something bad might happen. Over time, the nervous system may become dysregulated; reactions may become chaotic, exaggerated and out of proportion. Emotions can become harder to manage. Daily life, relationships and physical health can start to feel affected too.

Exploring our past experiences and how they impact us physically and emotionally can be a first step towards finding understanding and acceptance of ourselves. When we understand what’s happening in the body and why we feel the way we do, we start to make sense of it all. And that’s where healing can begin

Stress Responses: Hyperarousal and Hypoarousal

The two common responses of the nervous system to stress are: hyperarousal (fight, flight) and hypoarousal (collapse / shut down).

Hyperarousal is a heightened state of activation and alertness. The sympathetic nervous system suddenly kicks into high alert, even when no real danger is present, triggered by perceived threat, traumatic memories or strong emotions.  People experiencing hyperarousal often feel out of control.

Symptoms may include: angry outbursts, fear, anxiety, emotional overwhelm, panic, hypervigilance, muscle tension, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, freeze response.

Hypoarousal occurs when the parasympathetic nervous system becomes overwhelmed. When there is no way to escape the sense of being threatened or chronically stressed, the body can shut down or collapse. Like hyperarousal, this state is activated by feeling stressed, threatened or recounting traumatic memories.

Symptoms may include: depression, numbness, emptiness, a sense of heaviness or a flaccid body, blank stare, inability to speak or difficulty to express yourself, social withdrawal, dissociation, difficulty sleeping, eating disorders.

The Window of Tolerance

The Window of Tolerance concept, developed by Dr Dan Siegel, is a useful framework for understanding our responses to stress and recognising where they fall within this window. It can help us find more effective ways to manage our reactions and cope with our emotions. The concept describes the optimal zone of ‘arousal’ in which a person is best able to function in everyday life. When we are within this zone (window), we can regulate our emotions, process thoughts clearly and respond effectively to stress. (Look up this helpful diagram to better understand the concept: Window of Tolerance Dr Marie Dezelic)

Learning to recognise when we are in hyper- or hypoarousal and taking steps to return to a more regulated state is part of the ongoing practice of broadening our Window of Tolerance.

How Therapy Can Help

In therapy, we can work together to explore your emotional state, what may be contributing to how you are feeling, and find techniques that suit you best. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, but here are some examples of tools that may help bring you back into your window of tolerance:

When experiencing hyperarousal:

• Belly (diaphragmatic) breathing – notice how the belly rises on the inbreath and drops on the outbreath.
• Gentle movement – mindfully wiggle your fingers or/and toes to bring attention to the body.
• More grounding practices – yoga, conscious dance, meditation.
• Barefoot grounding – step outside barefoot if safe to do so. Feeling the grass, soil or even floor can help reconnect you to your body and the present moment.
• Gentle shaking – shake your hands, legs, or your whole body if possible. Do this within your own comfort and ability.
• Give yourself a hug – especially useful when beginning to freeze or tense up.
• Safe space imagery – visualising a calming safe place can help reduce overwhelm.
• Slowing down – consciously reducing pace of movement.

When experiencing hypoarousal:

• Gentle movement – mindfully wiggle your fingers or/and toes to bring attention to the body.
• Walk slowly across the room, look out the window or, if it feels okay, step outside the room for a moment. Do as much or as little as feels comfortable and see if you can gently move just beyond your comfort zone with a sense of curiosity.
• Use your voice - open the mouth, make some sounds, experiment with the pitch.
• Grounding through visual focus – e.g. looking around the room and focusing on one object, its colour, shape, you can take the object in your hands and feel its texture.
• Belly (diaphragmatic) breathing – notice how the belly rises on the inbreath and drops on the outbreath.
• Barefoot grounding – step outside barefoot if safe to do so. Feeling the grass, soil or even floor can help reconnect you to your body and the present moment.
• Give yourself a hug – especially useful when beginning to freeze or tense up

Broadening the Window of Tolerance

Broadening the Window of Tolerance means increasing the capacity to feel and process a wider range of emotions without becoming dysregulated.

In summary, these steps can support in building a greater emotional regulation:

1. Recognise when you are outside your window – in hyper- or hypoarousal – and noticing how it affects your body and mind.
2. Practice self-compassion – these states are not failures; they are automatic nervous system responses to stress and trauma.
3. Understand your triggers – build awareness of what affects your nervous system.
4. Learn ways to widen your emotional tolerance – mindfulness, body-based practices. Sometimes it’s about trying different exercises and methods to find ones that work for us.

With greater self-awareness and by learning some tools, we can begin to respond differently, manage emotions more effectively, and cope better with intense experiences.  And because stress and trauma accumulate in the body, it is often through the body that healing can begin.

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References:

Dezelic, M.S. (2013) Window of Tolerance - Trauma/Anxiety Related Responses. Available at: https://core-docs.s3.amazonaws.com/documents/asset/uploaded_file/1382027/Window_of_Tolerance.pdf (Accessed 20 July 2025)
Siegel, D.J.  (2012) The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. New York: Guilford Press
Van Der Kolk, B. (2014) The Body Keeps the Score:Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma.London: Penguin.